Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. I will admit it would have been the first one since a long, long time.
Yesterday, I didn’t go to the dentist.
I guess I kind of did, but I never saw anyone there past the receptionist.
I made it out of the car, and then got back in. I made it to the sidewalk, and then back to the car. I made it to the door, and back to the car. I made it inside, and then I had to leave. I had to leave, and fast, couldn’t even be in the parking lot anymore.
This isn’t particularly new, this fear of the dentists. Commercials involving dentists make me sick to my stomach, I dislike toothpaste and mouthwash ads. If there is mention of a dentist on a TV show or movie, I just don’t watch anymore. I just didn’t realize how bad it was.
Today I have the anxiety hangover. I’m exhausted and kind of irritable. Mostly, I feel small. Small and defeated. Anxiety wins again.
I’ve been denying it for a long time, that this is a problem. The anxiety isn’t a big deal! It doesn’t affect my daily life. Except, it does. It does a lot.
Today, I made an appointment to talk to someone. Next Tuesday at 3 (my dentist appointment was a Tuesday at 3, I’m trying not to make that into something in my mind). It’s time to get past this.