themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

Crushed January 18, 2013

Filed under: A Better Me,Family — themamabeth @ 9:52 pm

Last night when I went to pick up Adeline to carry her to bed, I threw out my back.  Two days ago our toilet flooded and ruined our floor-an issue that still isn’t resolved. Today I had to sign for a certified letter about a matter I thought I had resolved months ago (an hour on the phone this afternoon FINALLY cleared it up once and for all-the whole process took nearly a year).

There are dishes-clean and dirty-in my sink. I didn’t get all of the trash out before the garbage truck came. Most of the laundry is in piles around my kitchen. I yelled today, a lot.

I feel like I’m being crushed. The walls of this house are closing in on me right now. I cannot get a single minute to myself-someone always needs something. Lucy goes to bed, Adeline and Hazel are still up. Get Hazel to bed, Adeline is still up. Adeline usually puts up a fight about going to bed. Finally get her to bed, the dogs and cats need me. Or there’s chores, or or or. I can’t walk through the house without someone clinging to me, pulling on me, tugging, holding me back. By the end of the day, once everyone else is taken care of, fed and tucked in, I am exhausted, and the most I can do is sit an stare at the computer or the television. Every day I think longingly of the projects I want to work on-the knitting that was supposed to be my mom’s Christmas gift, the sewing project I have for the kids room, and every day they gather more dust. I promise myself I’ll spend some time in the afternoon working on my own projects, but by the time I get all of the household stuff handled, there’s usually just not enough time.

I feel really bad for getting in these slumps. I know it is a slump, they come and go, and this will pass too. But I’m so lucky and I live such a charmed life, and how dare I complain? We are comfortable financially, I get to stay home with the kids without us having to sacrifice or scrimp. Jake is generous with his time and his main focus is always his family whether it comes to him working hard to support us or him giving all of his free time to us without complaint. And yet here I sit, feeling miserable and sorry for myself, wishing I could have a break, a change, something.

Tomorrow is another day. We’ll be okay.

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