themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

Cancelling Christmas November 26, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — themamabeth @ 2:02 pm

I’m ready to cancel Christmas.


There’s been a lot leading up to this-the fact that every time we go out, all I hear from Adeline is a chorus of “I want [insert item here]”, the fact that I spent the entire day Wednesday making an early Thanksgiving so we could eat as a family, and the kids totally fell apart, the fact that Jake got a huge bin of Thomas toys from a friend of his and setting it up caused utter chaos and a huge tantrum from Adeline…


We’ve had some awful behavior issues lately. Lucy is acting her age, which is to be expected, but nonetheless still very frustrating. Adeline is probably also acting her age, but since I’ve never had a three-almost-four-year-old, I don’t know what to expect and I’m just frustrated with her. Hazel is sweet but refuses to sleep. I am so desperate for some peace and time to myself that I stay up too late at night.


So I’m thinking about this…having a tree up, and saying nothing for the next thirty-odd days other than “the tree is only for our eyes! hands off the tree! leave the ornaments alone! get me the broom, see this is why I don’t want you to touch the tree!” etc. Or I’m seeing all of the projects, all of the decorating, baking, cleaning, planning, wrapping, crafting, shopping that I could spend every day up until The Day doing, and for what? I just don’t want to set the precedent that Christmas is some sort of magical holiday that just happens. I want it to be a thing that we make happen together as a family, but our kids are just so young, they don’t get it. They don’t get gratitude or understand how very lucky we are. I just can’t figure out how to make all of this work in a way that we {I} can all walk away happy and satisfied.


I just feel so defeated right now, like I’m failing at everything-snotty kids, messy house, bratty dogs, irritated husband. It seems like it would be easier to just throw up my hands and give up. I’d never get over the guilt though, so I won’t do it. Christmas won’t be cancelled, even if I have to fake every minute of jolliness. I’m giving myself today to wallow, and we’re going to start tomorrow with a clean slate, reduced expectations and hopefully a better attitude.


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