Know what’s awesome when you’re already feeling discouraged? Losing an entire post that took the better part of an hour to write.
I was in bed until 4:00 this afternoon. Well, at some point I moved from bed to the couch because Jake needed to go to bed before his shift tonight, but the point is I didn’t do a single thing all day other than take care of the baby, which I did in bed.
It seems that I’ve fallen into a funk and I can’t shake it. My house is clean-cleaner than it should be with two toddlers and a newborn. I’m not spending enough time with the kids; somehow my priorities have gotten skewed and I feel like in order to be Good Enough I have to have a clean house, three hot meals and empty laundry baskets. And in my quest to do these things that I feel like I am supposed to be accomplishing, I’m not spending good quality time with the kids, and when I do spend time with them I’m distracted or rushed. Or I’m getting frustrated because I want to do something and I have to keep stopping. My focus has got to shift to the kids and away from everything else.
The fact is, I’m probably suffering from a minor case of PPD and I’m trying to make some changes to see if I can pull myself out of this funk. I’ve been talking with some supportive friends and doing some things around the house to see if it makes any difference.
Change 1-cleaning and organizing; organizing life and silly chores rather than letting them stack up and overwhelm me
Change 2-getting out frequently (and realizing that being out will give us less opportunity to mess up the house, leading to less cleaning)
Change 3-giving up on cooking for awhile and switching to salads/sandwiches
Change 4-being more purposeful and participating in 10 Days of Intentional Parenting, and also coming up with some sort of real and true routine around waking up and going to bed. The rest of the day we can wing it, but I really don’t like how mornings and nights have been going.
Jake and I briefly talked about hiring someone to come in and help. He suggested someone to clean, but I was thinking more along the lines of a mother’s helper to hang out with the kids and give me a little time to get something done uninterrupted. I’m also going to look into maybe getting Adeline into preschool or some sort of other activity. I have been waiting for Jake’s days off to get things done, but that’s kind of rotten-having him take the kids so I can clean when we should be doing things as a whole family.
We’ll get there. All things considered, everything is actually going really well. It’s just these silly hormones messing me all up is all.