Right now, I have a kid who won’t sleep in her own bed. This is driving me insane. I LOVED it when I could count on bedtime. The thing is, my mind doesn’t look to the future and see that eventually, bedtime will come back. It is almost like I am trapping myself into some sort of scenario like the movie Groundhog Day, where I’m going to be living these specific nights over and over. My mind doesn’t take into account the fact that eventually, for whatever reason, things are going to change again.
I get so stuck on things being This Unsatisfactory Way, I get frustrated and aggravated and just generally make myself miserable. Dinner time is another example, since Lucy was born. She gets cranky around 4, and stays that way through dinner. Very little will make her happy short of nursing, which I just can’t do when I’m trying to make dinner. I hate it, but there have been several nights where I’ve caved and we’ve had pb&j or frozen taquitos (gag) for dinner, which to me is Not Acceptable, not regularly. Special treat, yeah, but not the norm, and it was becoming the norm.
So right now, I’m at the point where the days start great, but around 3 I start to get stressed because I know the next few hours are likely to be rough. Then we make it through dinner, and Lucy goes to bed and I can relax for a bit, but then I start to get stressed again because I know the Adeline not sleeping in her bed fight is coming. (And tonight, as I type this, she is sitting next to me on the couch and refusing to go to sleep. It’s 10:33.)
I have no idea why this bothers me so much, the not sleeping in her bed thing. I just felt like it had been such a VICTORY when I finally got her to nap and go to bed-like I was somehow not passing the Mom Test by having a kid who was still cosleeping after a year. And now I’m failing again because I am the one who has a kid who sleeps on the couch, that AND I have the almost six month old who doesn’t sleep through the night. FAIL! (I personally don’t care she doesn’t sleep through the night, but I get The Look a lot from people.)
None of this is forever. It is all going to change again, hopefully for the better, but who can say? I’ve got to learn how to accept the way things are as the way they are and not try to force change. I’m driving myself crazy by being unhappy with what is clearly our current normal.