themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

Separation Anxiety December 21, 2010

Filed under: Baby Cakes,Family,On My Own,Uncategorized — themamabeth @ 8:57 pm

With Jake being gone, we’ve entered into a tricky phase of some not-so-great behavior and separation anxiety.

Since shortly after Lucy was born, Adeline had been sleeping in her bed at night and napping in her room with little to no objection. The first week Jake was away at work, everything continued on as normal. Now, though, not so much.

The first couple of nights there was an issue, I fought her about it. I tried a cry-it-out technique where I’d go in after 10, 15, 20 minutes and put her back in bed and leave without giving her attention. That would end up leaving her sleeping for a couple of hours, then she’d end up waking up nearly hysterical and I’d take her back to bed with me.

That whole process got old very fast. Now I’m just letting her fall asleep on the couch, then taking her into my bed when I go to bed.

I hate this new routine though. Now, I get 0 minutes of (ZERO!) non-kid time from Sunday afternoon-Saturday morning (when Jake lets me sleep in, and even then I usually end up with Lucy after a very short time). So, that’s giving me what, half an hour, maybe an hour a week? I don’t count the time that I’m having to tip toe around because Adeline is asleep next to me, that’s not relaxing or alone.

It isn’t like I DO anything particularly important in those couple of hours between kid bedtime and my bedtime, but it was still so nice to just sit, stretch, eat junk food, move around freely, whatever. Now I can’t, and I’m kind of bitter about the loss.

And the thing is, this isn’t a “typical” sleep issue. It is a real, true anxiety issue for Adeline, and I AM going to indulge it. She truly needs the security of sleeping with me, and I can live with it. I just wish there was an end in sight, and there  isn’t. We’re on the weekends only scheduled indefinitely.  Eventually if housing comes through, we’ll move, but that’s ALSO going to be a huge upheaval and I have no idea how that’ll affect her.

Things just feel really bleak right now. The endless gone-all-week schedule, the COST of it-gas both ways plus for the week, the weekly hotel bill, separate food budgets.  The obvious negative effect it is having on Adeline, and probably Lucy to some extent, as well as on us and our relationship. The weight of everything domestic falling on me. The weight of knowing everything falls on me wears on Jake. We keep trying to tell ourselves that this is the best thing for the long term, but I’m constantly wondering what the line is-when does the cost NOW outweigh the benefit later?


2 Responses to “Separation Anxiety”

  1. Mandie Says:

    I want to tell you that I have some miraculous answer for you…but I don’t. I can only give you the advice that I literally had to chant to myself when I was going through my absolutely impossible sleep issues with D. (Which have only recently ended, so I don’t even want to say that it’s over) This won’t last forever. I know how difficult it is to realize that when you’re in the moment….but if you can. Take a deep breath and remember that your babies will only be this age for a super short amount of time and one day you will be wishing Adeline would crawl in bed with you. Especially when she’s out on a date and trying to get you to extend her curfew…

  2. Samantha Says:

    I have no advice, but I wanted you to know that I’ve been reading and praying for you! I’m sure it is tough.. VERY tough… and I wish I could give you some wonderful advice or peace of mind, but I simply have nothing but my prayers to offer. I hope it gets better soon!

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