We don’t have any professional family photos, and very few of the point-and-shoot pictures we have include me.
This week, my mom came to the My Gym with Adeline and me, and she was in charge of taking pictures. And I remembered why there’s no pictures of me. I hate being in pictures because they show too much of what I don’t want to see.
Holy cow. Seeing myself on ‘film’ was quite the eye opener. There must not have been any doubt in anyone’s mind that I wasn’t comfortable being there. And it’s true, I wasn’t comfortable. I am not good in new situations, and I was really nervous about Adeline being in that space with all those kids-ALL of them were smaller than she is, and she can be a bit of a bully. But still…
It just figures that I JUST returned the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore without getting past the first chapter. I’m kind of getting the impression that I’m not going to gain confidence from a book. But where does it come from? It is time for me to figure it out. I’m missing out on more and more because of this absurd social anxiety, and it is time to get over it. If that is how I looked there, I must look like that everywhere, which is kind of discouraging. I’m really making the effort to get us out more, but if I’m going to be walking around looking like I’m trying to disappear into myself, I’m not going to meet people, and then I’m going to get discouraged and then we’ll be right back to staying home all the time.