themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

Own it October 12, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — themamabeth @ 11:08 pm

We don’t have any professional family photos, and very few of the point-and-shoot pictures we have include me.

This week,  my mom came to the My Gym with Adeline and me, and she was in charge of taking pictures. And I remembered why there’s no pictures of me. I hate being in pictures because they show too much of what I don’t want to see.

Holy cow. Seeing myself on ‘film’ was quite the eye opener. There must not have been any doubt in anyone’s mind that I wasn’t comfortable being there. And it’s true, I wasn’t comfortable. I am not good in new situations, and I was really nervous about Adeline being in that space with all those kids-ALL of them were smaller than she is, and she can be a bit of a bully. But still…

It just figures that I JUST returned the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore without getting past the first chapter. I’m kind of getting the impression that I’m not going to gain confidence from a book. But where does it come from? It is time for me to figure it out. I’m missing out on more and more because of this absurd social anxiety, and it is time to get over it.  If that is how I looked there, I must look like that everywhere, which is kind of discouraging. I’m really making the effort to get us out more, but if I’m going to be walking around looking like I’m trying to disappear into myself, I’m not going to meet people, and then I’m going to get discouraged and then we’ll be right back to staying home all the time.

 

Gotta start owning it!

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2 Responses to “Own it”

  1. Samantha Says:

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, it is hard to be in new places and not know anyone there, or how your child will respond to others. I had an eye opening moment with my dog the other day and realized I just need to trust a bit more…trust that when I take the dog out she is well behaved and will mind me (she will, always does), trust that when I go somewhere with Caeden he will listen to his mama and be a good boy… trust that not everyone sees me the way I see me, and trust that GOD is ALWAYS in control, not me.

    • themamabeth Says:

      I just realized that I’m not confident ANYWHERE. I really need to work on that-it is frustrating to have to talk myself into doing something as simple as going to the grocery store.


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