themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

The mean reds August 29, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — themamabeth @ 5:15 am

Sometimes I get down in the dumps. Just blah. It happens frequently enough to make me really aware of it, but not often enough or lasting long enough for me to really want to try to do anything about it. But it is aggravating and decidedly not fun.

During this little phases, I get super discouraged. Everything is the end of the world and nothing will ever be good again. It is bizarre becasue part of my mind knows that I am being irrational but that part cannot overpower the irrational part and take charge. So on top of the general crappiness, I feel like there’s two factions battling it out in my head.

The new and exciting things we were anticpating have fallen through, and that is what triggered this recent bout of the Mean Reds. We were super close to something really awesome, and it just isn’t going to work out. I’m not taking the disappointment well. The loss of this new and exciting opportunity also means we can’t try for another baby. I really had my heart set on this potential new baby, and my heart is a little bit broken that little potential-baby isn’t going to be joining us.

Things are fine, probably more than fine really. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. I just wish I knew what the grand plan was (I’m not even sure I believe in a Grand Plan).

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