themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

From the other side August 1, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — themamabeth @ 4:15 am

I’ve lived a charmed life, and while nothing has been spectacularly easy, I have not had huge hurdles or hard times to overcome.

Here and there things happen to make me realize just how fortunate I am.

I went back to work on July 1st. But I work from home. Unless Jake and the baby leave for an adventure, I’m within about 20 feet of them all the time. If I’m needed, I can pop out and help, then pop back in and go back to work. There’s no commuting, no daycare. But when I cried on the first day of my job because I’d be away from the baby for eight hours, it occurred to me how truly lucky I was. That there are so many people who would give just about anything to be able to do what I do, but the economics of it just don’t work out. And I have days where it is just all too much-the job, the baby, the house, the pets, the husband and I want to run away. And then I feel guilty, because really, who am I to complain?

And then there’s the whole trying for a baby thing. This is just a weird situation to be in. I’m constantly wondering if I may be pregnant. When we had our false alarm the other day, it was disappointing to have that negative test. But I noticed how flip we were about it. No biggie, we’ll keep trying, and it’ll work out. No worries, no stress. I thought about the people out there who aren’t so lucky. Who chart and hope and wish, who buy tests in bulk because they would never believe it if only one was positive, because they test just in case. How lucky am I to have a perfect kid, and this endless optimism that we’ll be able to add as many more as we can?

Either I was a really nice person in a previous life or I’m going to get hit with a doozy of a curve ball one of these days.


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