themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

Balance February 16, 2009

Filed under: Love and Marriage — themamabeth @ 7:50 am

We’re only eight weeks in to this whole parenting thing. It is new to us, and we’re still figuring out the new balance. I stay home with Baby Cakes, Jake works. My dream come true. This is all I have ever wanted.

But…I NEVER leave the house. I have gone out one time sans baby. To Target. To buy baby stuff.

Jake goes out quite often. To visit friends, to run errands-often not baby related. To go to the desert to do whatever.

I’m jealous.

Tonight he asked if he could go out to the desert to commune with nature. Again. He went two days ago. I had been hoping to go get my nails done. Selfish? Maybe. But really. I just wanted two or three baby free hours. But I was not able to say that to him. I got quiet, started getting really focused on what I was reading-more or less giving him the silent treatment Eventually I got around to explaining to him that I get a little jealous sometimes. He said he will stay home, that I can go get my nails done. But now it has a bitter taste. I feel guilty now, because it seems like because I want to get my nails done he can’t go out. And he said he’ll take the baby for a drive while I get my nails done. No, I don’t want him to drive the baby. I want him to stay home with her. See what it is like for me all day, every day. To realize that a fussing baby cannot be solved with a ride in the car. That if she is dry and fed, that you have to walk and sing and sing and sing and maybe just cry with her. That it isn’t as easy as pop her in the car to force her to sleep.

This is something that I need to work on. I need to stop with the silent treatment. I need to say what I feel. And why. Because my feelings are valid. They are real. And it is fair. It is fair to want some time for me.

This is also something that WE need to work on. We need to establish a real, true balance. That hasn’t happened yet. It is all or nothing around here. He works, I care for baby. Depending on my level of exhaustion, I do all the housework, or he does. He always does all of the yard work. Everything is all or nothing. And it isn’t really even. If I am exhausted and don’t load the dishwasher for a week, he gets fed up and does it. Then he takes care of everything else I’ve neglected. Which I imagine frustrates him, but he doesn’t say so. Then in his frustration, he gives up on housework, and I get fed up with the mess and I do it all.

Well look at that. I’ve just figured it out. Wow. Do you think he’d be mad if I woke him up to talk about this?

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