themamabeth's Blog

Figuring it out, one crazy day at a time.

Losing My Mind February 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — themamabeth @ 11:02 pm

I’m fairly sure I’m losing my mind. What’s that you say-all new mamas feel this way? Yeah, no. This is waaaay worse than that. I feel like a rapid cycling manic depressive. One day I’ll be a thousand miles an hour, and by afternoon/early evening I can’t function. Then later that night, off I go again. Next day, nuthin’. Don’t even make it out of bed. I cry. My digestive system is out of whack (’nuff said about that). I hate it. It isn’t fun. Yesterday was really bad. Today, not so much. Good thing: Jake is being super understanding and trying his damnedest to be helpful and supportive, which isn’t always easy when I’m acting like a lunatic. He lets me try to struggle through the bad times on my own, then swoops in to save the day. He knows better to immediately swoop because I have to try and fail first, or I get testy (er). The man has the patience of a saint. Other good thing: I don’t think this is affecting my relationship with Adeline. I still love her, I do not feel angry or resentful towards her. And on bad days, she’s like my little ray of sunshine and focusing on her and her needs distracts me from my craziness.
I think I’m working up to some kind of big epiphany here. I feel something {} to me being able to express it out loud. I keep trying but not quite making it. I hope whatever it is it is good and maybe calms my mind down a bit.

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