Three babies, one home birth, one birth center birth, one hospital birth. No problems, no complications. Easy labors, easy deliveries.
We decided this time around that it would be less complicated to go to an OB in town and have the baby in the local hospital. Less travel, less stress, less expense. I figured after three babies, I had this pregnancy and birth thing down, I thought it didn’t matter where I had the baby.
Turns out, it does matter. I ended up leaving my last OB appointment without even being seen 55 minutes after my scheduled appointment time. If someone had just said ‘hey, we’re running late…’ it would have been fine. I could have managed that, rearranged schedules, altered plans. But no one said anything, not a word the entire time I was there. There were two people who were flat out rude to me-stemming from me not going along with their by-the-book way of doing things. I was given the cold shoulder by one, and scolded by another. I couldn’t help but feel like the nearly hour-long wait was some sort of ‘punishment’.
None of the doctors I saw there ever gave me any credit for me knowing myself. Everything was met with skepticism or doubt. Me “the baby’s on my right” when they are looking for the heartbeat with the doppler. Them ‘starting on the left’. The babies are always on my right, from the very start. The first doctor had to go get a portable ultrasound because they couldn’t find the heartbeat. The baby was right where I said she’d be, far on the right. Placenta too-smack in the middle.
As things have gotten further along – I’ll be 35 weeks this week- I began to get more and more nervous. There’s quite a few things that feel pretty strongly about, things I’m not willing to argue about. I’m not going to be checked for dilation prior to labor. That’s standard practice, and I decline. I don’t want the baby bathed right away-they looked at me like I sprouted an extra head when I requested that. I don’t do medicated births, and the response was ‘well, you might change your mind’. Unless things go way wrong and I have to have a c-section, I’m going unmedicated, period. I’m not going to change my mind, I didn’t change my mind the three previous times. Why are they so unwilling to let me make my own decisions and choices? First timers, yes, they should be encouraged to be open to all possibilities. This ain’t my first rodeo though, guys.
And then there’ the whole depression/anxiety issue. I finally was able to tell the very first doctor I saw about it, which isn’t necessarily an easy thing to do. It isn’t like I care to rehash it all every.single.appointment. But yet, it never came up again, not once. Did it not get written down? I realize it is my responsibility to let them know if I am struggling, and it never got so bad that I felt like I needed to bring it up, but it felt like it would have been nice if it had at least been acknowledged.
This whole OB thing just wasn’t the right fit for me. That became painfully obvious after I called the midwife in Phoenix yesterday to see if by any chance they could take me for the rest of this pregnancy-which yes! They can, and they will do so happily and can’t wait to see me again-oh, and not to mention she remembered exactly who I was even though it’s been almost two years-and I’m eagerly looking forward to my 500 mile round trip tomorrow for my first prenatal appointment with them.
I wish I had accepted the fact a long time ago that I’m not an OB person, but I was trying to be practical. I guess it is okay sometimes to not be practical though, not with something as important as this.
Also, I have to give major credit to my husband. While he knew I wasn’t super excited about the whole OB/hospital birth thing, he said I could do whatever was best for me. When I called him yesterday to tell him that the midwife could take me, he was thrilled. Doesn’t matter to him that this is going to be more expensive, more work, more chaos and complication, and likely cause him to use almost all his vacation for the entire year. He’s happy and excited that I am able to go with the option that makes me the most happy and comfortable, because he said ‘I know how much this means to you’. He’s awesome.