Being a mom has given me the most confidence that I have ever had. It was like this is what I was meant to be. It fits me, perfectly. I am a better mom than I am anything else, which is awesome, but it is also not awesome.
Today the girls and I headed to the store to do our regular shopping, just like we do every single other week. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but shortly after we got there, things started falling apart. The floral department lady gave the big girls balloons, which I hate because they are annoying. I rolled with it though, and we were doing okay. Then Hazel wouldn’t sit right in the Moby and I was getting nervous she would wiggle herself out, so I pulled Lucy out of the cart and put the baby in. That was going slightly okay, until Adeline wouldn’t walk on her designated side of the basket and Lucy kept hitting Adeline with her balloon. I confiscated the offending balloon, but then Hazel started to fuss. Adeline STILL wouldn’t walk holding the basket and twice I almost left her behind. At that point I called Jake to see if he would come swap cars with me and take the big kids home, but I caught him mid-shower, so no dice. We made it maybe one more aisle, and I gave up. We went to check out with what groceries we had, and Adeline totally melted down. I told her she couldn’t have a treat she had chosen since their behavior was making us leave early, and she totally flipped out. Like kicking, screaming, flailing freaking out. It was a sight to see, that’s for sure. And it was loud enough that the lady from the meat department at the back of the store headed over with a bag of dum-dums in hand. I was really grateful for the cashier who was checking us out at record speed, and I was honestly pretty grateful for the meat department lady-until I heard what the other cashiers were saying. “You’re SO GOOD with the kids!” Um. Yeah. I could have been “so good” with Adeline too had I offered her candy, which I would not do-I do not bribe for good behavior. It was very helpful for that lady to come over and help, she got Adeline distracted enough so that I could get the bagged groceries into the cart and pay. She was so kind, and really did go above and beyond, but it was because she was armed with candy, not because she has some sort of magical kid-whispering abilities.
The whole experience shook me though. How can I not manage a simple trip to the grocery store? We travel all over this state, just me and the kids and sometimes with a couple of dogs thrown in too. But this stupid trip to the store has totally stolen my confidence. I feel kind of stunned, even now more than two hours after we made it back home. It’s crazy how much power these little people have over us.